this past week....

WOW....this last week has been absolutely amazing on multiple fronts. I don't even know where to start, because there are so many things that I want to say. Maybe we should start with Camp Rainbow....this year my placement for JLH was the American Diabetes Association Camp for kids with juvenile diabetes (and their siblings). It was possibly the best thing I have ever volunteered for. Here is one of the reasons...these girls:

There were about 40 girls that were in the placement, and these girls were in my group - the blue group called the rockets...so appropriately named since the theme for this camp was "every day is a holiday at camp rainbow" and our holiday was July 4th. And don't think that everyone else's flag was as good as ours...no, theirs wasn't -- because they don't have an AWESOME person named SD in their group who would totally bling out their flag. it was FANTASTIC.

Anyway, these girls are just so amazing. I mean AMAZING. I couldn't have asked for a better group of girls -- they were all so laid back, easy to get along with and so freaking funny. We probably spent more time laughing than anything else, and we all just meshed so well together. Everyone comes from different backgrounds and has a different "life" but there was just something about these each of these ladies that just made me adore them...SO. VERY. MUCH. And we all just worked so well together -- everyone just stepped up at the right times and there was never a bad (or dull) moment. And everyone was willing to pull their weight and never complain - which I appreciated even more (because there were some groups where that was not necessarily the case!) I just don't know that I could say enough about how much I HEART these girls and how truly amazing they really are.

And our kids....WOW. They were so cute and so sweet. I wish I could post a picture of them -- but I don't think I can -- but all 21 of them truly hold a special place in my heart. They were so excited to be there and you would have never known that most of them were diabetic until they had to check their blood sugar or had to take their insulin. They just didn't let their diabetes stop them (or even slow them down) in any way, shape or form. And it didn't stop them from running around like banshees or trying to soak me during the water tag game or doing cannon ball after cannon ball trying to soak the counselors sitting on the sidelines. The great thing about this camp was that they all had diabetes (or were siblings of those with diabetes) and were all in the same boat. You would hear them comparing stories, or talking about their insulin pumps or how much they wanted the Pod. They would ask each other if they were feeling low or high and just genuinely check up on each other. They were just so stinking cute.

The other great thing....meet Steve....or that is what the kids named him.

The best thing about Steve was he pissed off the local peacock. (Yes, there were LOTS of animals at this retreat site. ) I wish I would have taken video...but I didn't think about it soon enough. Here is a picture of the chase:

And when I say chase, I mean, they chased after each other for HOURS. The kids got such a kick out of trying to find them and then watching them chase through the bushes, around the building and even more when the peacock would catch the chicken and peck at him. SO funny. 

The great thing was that this time allowed me to clear my head, and take some time off of work, away from stress and just play. I had no responsibilities except playing with my kids, no blackberry, no nothing - all day long. And it was absolutely fantastic. I also stayed with my friend RH and got to play with her family and didn't have to worry about cleaning my house, or washing or anything remotely resembling "normal life". I also got lots of hugs and kisses from WHH - which I LOVED. I taught him lots of great sayings like "Auntie Karen is my FAVORITE". He is like a broken record right now, repeating everything you say so it is so cute to just say things and hear him repeat them over and over again. 

I also got to spend a lot of time with God this week....and it was exactly what I needed. Some things happened this week that, well, were exactly what I didn't want, but ironically, God showed me that they were exactly what needed to happen. Had I not been in such a good place, I would have cried for days. But not this time -- I prayed about it a LOT and it was one of those amazing times of praying and crying and all of a sudden it was like my prayers were answered and I was overcome with an immense peace. It's happened before, and I can only say that God would have had to make that happen, because when I get that upset, well, I can't calm myself. Trust me, I have tried. 

And in a way that only God can, in addition to the peace that God had given me, the biblestudy that I am doing had studies that night and the next night that were EXACTLY what I needed. They reminded me that God was doing things in my life that were apart of his plan and that I just needed to trust in Him. 

And that is exactly what I am doing. Trusting in Him. I see all of the joy that He has brought into my life in the last week and even though He also brought pain and a friendship that is now lost forever, I know that this is all part of His plan and His plan is way better than my plan will ever be. And therefore, I will just keep on trusting in Him.

And to just top off the week, I stepped on the scale and had lost another 5 lbs last week (and that 5 lbs of elusive water weight thats been coming and going for a while-- for a total of 10 lbs). Yeah, thats what packing your lunch and eating good snacks and dinner can do for you. And drinking at least 150 oz of water every day...and sweating your butt off outside while chasing after 21 kiddos. And in case you were keeping count...that was 19% of my beginning body weight. 19.4% to be exact. And if that isn't the best thing to end such an amazing week, I don't know what would be! 

Dallas....

This past weekend I headed to Dallas for a wedding....and to get to hang out with some of my favorite people in the world. Yep. They are. I mean, KJ lived with me for 3 years and didn't kill me in my sleep, so I mean, we have to be good friends :)  ha, ha.

Our friend TW was getting married, and he was roomates with KJ's husband T for all of college and for the years after college...needless to say, KJ and I both know him quite well. And I wouldn't miss a wedding with these peeps for anything....because when it is a college reunion, well, you know it is going to be a good time.

Friday night I had dinner with my friend SM, and it was SO great to see her and catch up....I think it turned into more of a counselling session than a gossip session, but well, that is the way it works sometimes! And even better, I got to see her cute little baby bump -- and baby SM kicked when I was leaving -- I think she just wanted to say "bye fake aunt K".

On Saturday KJ and I played around and then finally made it to the wedding...an hour after we wanted to arrive :) you see, her husband was the best man...and wasn't feeling so hot. So it was our intention to get there early to make sure everything was okay....instead we got there in time to sit in the 2nd to last pew and watch the wedding begin!

Here we are waiting for the picture taking to end. T came over to hang out with us in the back of the church, and showed us his button they got him:

The best thing about it  - it could have meant two things -- best man (the appropriate response) or it could have meant bowel movement (more as a joke) because he was SICK...like really sick. And he had spent a LOT of time in the bathroom in the last 24 hours....

Which is why KJ and I had to leave the reception at one point to go and buy this:

which of course, I had to capture the moment. I mean, you wouldn't expect anything less!! ha! The wedding was beautiful and the reception was a ton of fun....for one, I got to hang out with some fabulous people...below is our friend B who just got back from Bali and I haven't seen his sweet face since he was back. And not only did I get to see his face, I got to see his sweet moves on the dancefloor too!

And any reception where you can get both  B and T on the dancefloor, well, it is definitely going to be good times. And KJ and I always have good times, especially when we are drinking this....

Don't worry, I got up and went to the gym that morning and the morning after to work off all of those glasses of champange! And let's be honest, I worked a few of them off on the dancefloor. you have to love waking up the next morning and your abs hurt from the moves you tried to pull the night before. LOVE THAT.

Here is the groom (on the left) with his two roommates after college. The best part is someone yelled, "where is the other roommate" and B's wife (in the middle) got into the picture. HILARIOUS. We were all cracking up.

And I keep mentioning the dancefloor....and rightfully so. I mean, this crew is out of control. Which is reason 395 why I adore them. I was taking a picture of JP's wife going crazy...and of course, as soon as he saw me trying to take a picture, he stopped dancing and posed for me...

And the best thing was that she ended up ripping her dress in the process. HA! That means you are having fun on the dance floor!!! and I was cracking up taking pictures of KJ and T, and I caught this one...soooo perfect.

It was a good time...especially getting to spend time with KJ...man, I just adore her. We have been friends since our freshman year in college, lived together for 3 years, and have been through so much together...I just can't say enough good things about her...sh e is absolutely fantastic. And my hair is a bit funky..yes, I know, that is only because we had just got off the dancefloor to get some more champange!!!

And I will leave you with the H's...I am SO excited as they are expecting their first baby in a few months. YAHOOOOO!!! One more trip to Dallas to celebrate Baby H is in my future!!!

And I got to round out the weekend with a lunch with the G's...baby E slept almost the whole time, which was good because it gave me plenty of time to catch up with her mommy and daddy! It was so great to see them -- and hopefully we can get them to Houston soon! I miss my MG!!!

It was a fabulous weekend, leading into this week where I am volunteering for the American Diabetes Association Diabetes Camp for kids (and their siblings) with Diabetes. A week off of work - WOO-HOOOOO!!!!! Playing with kiddos -- DOUBLE WOOO-HOOOO!!!! I'll update more later!

working it...

I had a conversation with one of my guy friends the other day...we were talking about a bunch of things and I was upset because he had never said ANYTHING about me losing weight. And lets be honest, it isn't like I've lost 5 lbs...I've lost a 8 year old....maybe a 9 year old...but its been a lot. It's kind of hard NOT to notice. His comment was that my weight was never an "issue" for him, and he just never paid attention to that. I guess that was a compliment in some ways....

And most people who know me notice...like one of my staff one day. I was wearing something that was a size smaller- which makes a difference when you don't have to pull your pants up to "the girls" so they don't fall down, and being able to wear pants that you can wear back on your hips. His comment (which was hilarious -- especially if you know him) "Damn Karen, you look good. (and a slight pause) Um, I didn't mean it like that...um, I meant you can really tell you have lost a lot of weight!" And even my favorite sales lady in Nordstrom notices....she was staring at me the other day and said "I don't know what you have been doing, but keep it up! you are doing great!"

Its really funny to me at people's reactions...some people notice but are almost afraid to say anything, other people don't seem to notice and other people almost looked shocked...like they'd never thought I could. It just amazes me sometimes people's reactions. But I will say -- that it doesn't bother me if you comment about it. The way I see it is this -- its encouragement when you notice....and my weight is a part of who I am. I mean, I was that big because I let myself get that big. And now I am having to work my butt off (literally) to try to lose it all. And I will never lose it all...even my doctors have told me it is going to be a big struggle to get it all off, especially since it has been there for so long. But that won't keep me from trying.

Anyway, we measured again this week and here is the latest decreases....this was a month after we first weighed. I will say that this morning my legs were SWOLLEN from sitting at my desk all day and then having my 3 hour long marathon JL meeting that night, so I'm sure there was probably some more decrease there, but well, you couldn't see it.

In the skin fold measurements -- where they use the caliper -- I went down 6 more pts on the Bicep (the first time it was down 8)...which is HUGE....that basically means I have been developing a lot of muscle in my arms...a lot of muscle.

Then the other places I had lost were an inch in my chest, half an inch in my bicep, a quarter of an inch in my wrist, and 2 more inches in my waist. So, in total, since we started working out with the trainer like 3 months ago, here are the total inches lost:

1/2 inch in the neck
1 inch in the chest
1/2 inch in the bicep
1/2 inch in the forearm
6 inches in the waist
1 1/2 inches in the hips (which, now is where I seem to carry most of my weight...there and the dreaded thighs!)
1 1/2 inches in the thighs
and 1/2 inch in the calf

I still have a LONG way to go, but I am so proud of all that I have been able to accomplish so far. And thank goodness for my trainer who pushes me and helps me change up my workout so I don't get bored....and for finding other ways to work out -- like the classes at Define Body and Mind. My friend LM and I went this weekeend and they were AWESOME. I like having another option than just killing myself at the gym!

Now, if only I could keep from eating all of those skinny cows and random cookies....my sweet tooth has definitely kicked in. Which is why I am going back to see the nutritionist....so maybe she can help reign me in! So if you see me grabbing for a cookie...or anything sweet, just slap my hand and remind me how long on the treadmill I have to work to burn that puppy off...and hopefully I'll put it down! Because we all probably know now much I LOVE walking / running intervals on the treadmill....yeah, about that....

Forgiveness....

"It is far better to forgive and forget than to resent and remember." 

-Our Daily Bread

A few weeks ago at church, the sermon was on forgiveness. I had never really thought about forgiveness before in depth -- usually when I think of forgiveness I think of when a 4 year old hits another 4 year old and their parents make them say they are sorry. Or when someone says something or does something SO awful that they apologize to you...

And on that Sunday evening, I think my thoughts about forgiveness changed forever. I don't think I really understood what forgiveness really was...and I never had really thought about how pervasive forgiveness SHOULD be in our daily lives. And I never thought about how many people I needed to forgive and that I was holding something they had done over their head and I wasn't letting go.

The first thing that we had talked about was about what forgiveness really was. The definition of forgiveness they gave was this:

"Forgiveness is the willful release of a debt that someone owes you."

I had never thought about it in that way....that it is the release of a debt. But once I heard it, I think it made total sense to me. And I started thinking -- who in MY life do I feel like owes me something? And I started coming up with people left and right. Some for little things - some for big things. And some, I probably didn't even realize I was holding something against them. Like that guy that cut me off that morning and I let it annoy me for the entire day.

The pastor had made a point about having a person that every time you see them you have a pit in your stomach -- and you don't really want to see them or you don't really want to talk to them. You have history....whatever it is, you are uncomfortable around them for something they said, something they did that was hurtful to you. And you probably feel like they owe you something - an apology, an explanation, something....and you haven't received it. And sadly, you may never receive it.

You see, one thing I learned was that it could totally be due to something that they didn't even know that they did -- they didn't realize what they did hurt you, they didn't know that by what they said - or didn't say - hurt you. And because you didn't communicate that with them - well, they didn't know what they did hurt you....and therefore, didn't know that they should apologize OR that you should just forgive them.

And then he said this --typically, when we feel that someone owes us something, we try to collect. And here is how:

• Try to please them
• Try to make them understand -- confront them
• Try to convince others 
• Take it out on someone else

And at that point I feel like someone had punched me in the stomach. I thought about the way that I handled situations, about people that I was angry with and how I responded to them -- and it seems that in most cases - it was one of those bullet points above....instead of facing it head on and forgiving them for whatever it was. I was holding on to a LOT of things....you see, I am not one to confront -- instead, I am one to hold it in, let it build up, till I just cant take it anymore....and then usually the tears start coming. I can think of a million things to say, but for some reason, I can never get to a place where I can get those out. And when I finally do (which is probably a LONG time later), its usually only written because I can't get it out verbally. Most of the time, its probably a good things because it would be with a lot of tears, and that isn't usually pretty. But about 90% of the time, I am more likely to hold it in....and hold it against them.

And there were so many other points that he made that day that really hit home -- but most of all that forgivness is painful and it takes time....and that the release comes from Christian thinking and that God is soverign and faithful. 

The last thing that I remember from his sermon-- because at this point my head was almost swimming -- was that God forgives us for everything that we do....and that we should do the same to all of those that hurt us. 

I think I've spent the last few weeks thinking through this -- and slowly starting an inventory of what I needed to do and who I needed to truly forgive. Those who have hurt me, that I have distanced myself from, those that I have been trying to collect from. And its been a slow process.....and there has been lots of prayer and petition....and lots of tears as I am trying to let go and give it to God and truly forgive. 

I ask you this -- what debts are you trying to collect on? Who do you need to forgive? 

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisioner was you." 

- Lewis B. Smedes

so much is going on....

Everything is just moving about 90 miles per hour right now...I'll try to catch up as much as I can, but, well its past my bed time and this week is going to be a beast...so this will be fast!!!

Work is crazy, as usual. I keep trying to figure out what I can do to make it slow down, and well, as soon as I think we have something worked out, well, a whole other party just starts. This is the week of close, so thats this week's crazyness. Next week will hold a whole other party schedule...

So because of all the crazyness, I decided to cancel everything I had planned, and just stay at home all weekend. It was probably the best decision I could have made. I had a "Karen" weekend.....which involved spending TONS of time at the gym, running errands and trying to get my life in order, and then getting to hang out with lots of my friends. It was just what I needed.....

On Saturday night we had a Girls Napa / Greece reunion and got to spend the evening together. It was so great to get to spend some time with LM and TH...

On Sunday I spent more time at the gym (surprise, surprise) and then got to see my friend JM and her sweet husband and even sweeter two little girls. They were in town seeing some family and we met for lunch. I was cracking up as we were trying to figure out where to go eat and they really wanted Lubys....how fantastic is that?!? They don't have Luby's where they live now and being prego, she wanted to eat it! And who can complain about Mac N Cheese? Not me!!! But it was so great to get to see them - and I can't wait because J will be having twins later this year! I am planning a trip to go play with them after her mom comes back to Texas after the babies are born. I CAN'T WAIT!

I then went to hang out with The K's as they had a BBQ at their house...it was SO fun to get to hang out with their family, catch up and see some of the KPMG peeps. And I got to spend some time in the hammock - which, when I finally buy a house, it will be a requirement to have two trees close enough to have a hammock. I HEART them....and the K's too! They are expecting a sweet baby in January -- and I can't wait for that either!

Today I spent the day running errands and then about 4 hours at Nordstroms...no, I am not kidding. It is the Nordstroms Anniversary sale time and since I am such a FABULOUS customer (he, he) I get to shop the pre-sale....it's a TON of fun, but seriously, it is hard because you have to go pick stuff out, then they have to pull it and you try it on...and well, it is just a long process. But I was SO excited because they had my favorite Jeans on sale.....and well, let's put it this way...they are 50%  off, and I have now owned them in 3 sizes, and I needed them in another size. So, yeah, getting them at half price is a no brainer. Don't think I didn't contemplate buying them one more size down just in case :) And then I found a cute skirt...then a purse....then found the shoes...and we won't even talk about the number of shoes I got! ha!

And then we had LG's birthday dinner with the girls....I can't even tell you how great it was to end my weekend with them. I HEART these girls and love getting to spend time with them!

It was an absolutely fabulous weekend....and just what I needed. Now, off to bed!