Forgiveness....

"It is far better to forgive and forget than to resent and remember." 

-Our Daily Bread

A few weeks ago at church, the sermon was on forgiveness. I had never really thought about forgiveness before in depth -- usually when I think of forgiveness I think of when a 4 year old hits another 4 year old and their parents make them say they are sorry. Or when someone says something or does something SO awful that they apologize to you...

And on that Sunday evening, I think my thoughts about forgiveness changed forever. I don't think I really understood what forgiveness really was...and I never had really thought about how pervasive forgiveness SHOULD be in our daily lives. And I never thought about how many people I needed to forgive and that I was holding something they had done over their head and I wasn't letting go.

The first thing that we had talked about was about what forgiveness really was. The definition of forgiveness they gave was this:

"Forgiveness is the willful release of a debt that someone owes you."

I had never thought about it in that way....that it is the release of a debt. But once I heard it, I think it made total sense to me. And I started thinking -- who in MY life do I feel like owes me something? And I started coming up with people left and right. Some for little things - some for big things. And some, I probably didn't even realize I was holding something against them. Like that guy that cut me off that morning and I let it annoy me for the entire day.

The pastor had made a point about having a person that every time you see them you have a pit in your stomach -- and you don't really want to see them or you don't really want to talk to them. You have history....whatever it is, you are uncomfortable around them for something they said, something they did that was hurtful to you. And you probably feel like they owe you something - an apology, an explanation, something....and you haven't received it. And sadly, you may never receive it.

You see, one thing I learned was that it could totally be due to something that they didn't even know that they did -- they didn't realize what they did hurt you, they didn't know that by what they said - or didn't say - hurt you. And because you didn't communicate that with them - well, they didn't know what they did hurt you....and therefore, didn't know that they should apologize OR that you should just forgive them.

And then he said this --typically, when we feel that someone owes us something, we try to collect. And here is how:

• Try to please them
• Try to make them understand -- confront them
• Try to convince others 
• Take it out on someone else

And at that point I feel like someone had punched me in the stomach. I thought about the way that I handled situations, about people that I was angry with and how I responded to them -- and it seems that in most cases - it was one of those bullet points above....instead of facing it head on and forgiving them for whatever it was. I was holding on to a LOT of things....you see, I am not one to confront -- instead, I am one to hold it in, let it build up, till I just cant take it anymore....and then usually the tears start coming. I can think of a million things to say, but for some reason, I can never get to a place where I can get those out. And when I finally do (which is probably a LONG time later), its usually only written because I can't get it out verbally. Most of the time, its probably a good things because it would be with a lot of tears, and that isn't usually pretty. But about 90% of the time, I am more likely to hold it in....and hold it against them.

And there were so many other points that he made that day that really hit home -- but most of all that forgivness is painful and it takes time....and that the release comes from Christian thinking and that God is soverign and faithful. 

The last thing that I remember from his sermon-- because at this point my head was almost swimming -- was that God forgives us for everything that we do....and that we should do the same to all of those that hurt us. 

I think I've spent the last few weeks thinking through this -- and slowly starting an inventory of what I needed to do and who I needed to truly forgive. Those who have hurt me, that I have distanced myself from, those that I have been trying to collect from. And its been a slow process.....and there has been lots of prayer and petition....and lots of tears as I am trying to let go and give it to God and truly forgive. 

I ask you this -- what debts are you trying to collect on? Who do you need to forgive? 

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisioner was you." 

- Lewis B. Smedes