what a crappy morning...

This was the morning of the biopsy....I should have known it would suck really bad when I had to be out of the house by 6:30 a.m. For those of you who know me, that is WAY earlier than when I would usually roll out of bed (between 7 and 7:30 if we are lucky). But I got up and got dressed - and headed out the door. I actually got there on time, and checked in - had a great conversation with the desk lady about Luling City Market BBQ - that is for a whole other discussion and then started the waiting game. I was totally checked in and they called radiology at 7:45 saying I was ready for my 8 am appointment.

Then 8:00 came and went
8:15 came and went
8:30 came and went (and I started to get antsy)
8:45 came and went (and I held off getting out of my chair to ask what kind of business they are running)
at 9:00 I heard the "Miss Lip" - which is other wise known as my other "I don't know how to pronounce your name" name.

I got upstairs and the nurse started checking me in and here is how the conversation went
Nurse: "um, you are taking lovenox? when did you take the last dosage?"
Me: "at the ungodly hour of 6 a.m. this morning."
Nurse: "we can't do the biopsy if you have taken it - you can't be on any blood thinner. Let me go talk to the doctor."

so she exits and leaves a "not so happy" Miss Lip sitting on the bed in the sonogram room.

She discusses with the doctor and comes back in, with the sonogram tech and says:
Nurse: "I don't think we can do it. It is just too risky with you being on blood thinners."
Me: "well, why didn't one of my 3 doctors mention this, or maybe the hospital when I scheduled it or the hospital when I checked in and sat downstairs for an hour. That would have been nice."
Nurse: "I'm sorry - I don't know - but you can't be on blood thinners. The doctor is coming in to discuss."

At this point, the tears start welling up in my eyes. I didn't want to have to come back and waste more time, my insurance flips tomorrow to the new coverage and without a new insurance card, I didn't want to have to pay for it at 100% and then submit.....I just wanted to get it over with!!!

The doctor comes in - and says, yeah, it is a little risky but I think we can do it. I wanted to scream at the nurse - why did you get me so worked up when you didn't even know what he was going to say!!!

They started doing the sonogram just to check - and just to fit in with the kind of day I am now having - they can't find the "nodules". I won't tell you what came out of my mouth, but it wasn't very nice. So the doctor ran into the other room to go and look at the last two sonograms to see where they were, and comes back in to check again. He finally finds them.....and a few others. GREAT. Even better when he tells the nurse in a whisper - oh, this one is on the isthmus - that isn't normal. MISTER - I am laying down about 1 foot from you. I HEARD THAT!!!! Some were too deep, and because of the blood thinners - he wouldn't try for them. As I understand it, if one is cancerous, all are likely cancerous. So one was good to try to test.

Anyway, so they deaden it with the worst shots - I don't know how to describe it - but they hurt. then he had to do it AGAIN as he thought I needed more to make sure it was good and numb. Then he started. Now, let's think about this - he runs the sonogram machine and jabs the needle in your neck - I'm not sure, but I am pretty sure that he wasn't totally ambidextrous. AWESOME. I kept my eyes closed, but I could feel that needle going in and out. The way I felt it - i kept picturing that video of them doing liposuction - jabbing the needle in and out. It didn't feel so hot (yes, it was deadened, but you still felt the needle). and he had to do it TWICE. He sent it off to pathology so they could test it immediately - which they never called back - but his comment was they only call back if it is bad; let's hope so!!!

Then they told me I had a little "hematoma" from the procedure. I'm thinking - what in the H is that? (don't worry - googled it - fancy name for bruise). SO, now I have a big hickey looking bruise on my neck, I have to make sure it doesn't get hard or bigger. GREAT.

And now my neck hurts. When I move my head, when I swallow, when I do anything. And now the work out plans have vanished as I have to take it easy for at least 3 days. They never told me that before hand!!!

that is the long and the short of it. It is painful, it was emotional, it didn't take the "hour" like they said it would (try I was there for 4), and it is over. Thank God for that.

what a fabulous weekend....

what a fabulous weekend. I don't know what was the one thing that made it so wonderful (besides the fact that I wasn't working!)...but all of it melded together to just make it so wonderful - and exactly what I needed.

Friday night I was worked a little late to get some things done (um, and when I say late, I mean 5:30 - when my boss told me to leave at 4:30)....and then headed to get a mani/pedi. I love going to this place right around the corner from my house - the best part is when you get the $10 manicure, there is a 20 minute massage (hands, arms, shoulders) that comes with it. FABULOUS. just what I needed. then I grabbed dinner with an old intern (totally off the wall that she happened to call me that night and wanted to catch up). It was great to get to see her - she was really sad that I had left the firm, but totally understood!! Even better that we ate at Barnabys....my favorite.

Saturday I went and ran a bunch of errands...I feel like I haven't been shopping in ages...and I spent money like I hadn't spent in ages! But I found some GREAT things and I just couldn't pass it up! Then AD and I went to College Station for a MSC F.I.S.H reunion. My friend AD, me, and two of our other friends MM and KH started the organization 9 years ago. Wow. crazy that 9 years ago we weren't sure that it would last one year after that - and now it is going really well! it is amazing! We met up with them to catch up - and the best thing about the trip to college station was to get to go after the party to Cafe Eccell and have my favorite salad, rosemary / roasted garlic / chicken pasta...oh, my gosh. It was amazing. then we topped it off with the infamous strawberry tart. I was absolutely in Heaven. And it was so great to get to spend the evening with AD and catch up - it has been too long!

Today, I got to run more errands and then went with SM and PR to Brenham - they were going for a shower and it was a great opportunity to go see KJ and her two sweet kiddos. It was a great trip - we got to catch up in the car and I got to see KJ and her cute farmhouse they are living in and play with the kiddos. I totally got to love on her newborn JJ and it was so great. something about holding a baby for a few hours that just melts your heart! Plus, the farmhouse is great - the front porch looks out on the pond and there are two rocking chairs and windchimes - it is just peaceful. Plus, with the weather being SO amazing it was great just hanging out. Plus her daughter LJ was so freaking cute and running around playing and it was so great to see her.

Then on the way back, we decided that since every other car was stopping to take pictures in the bluebonnets, so did we! it was so great. when I download them, I will put them up. they were so stinking cute.

now I am headed to have dinner with CT and her hubby CT....and my favorite thing for dinner - PANCAKES! If I could have breakfast for every meal, I would be totally happy!! and I was bad and totally made banana pudding....I was craving it and I had to make it. Thank goodness CT said she would help me eat it!!! I can't wait - my moms recipe is just great and reminds me of my childhood - and I LOVE IT.

So, off to dinner. It was a great weekend - and exactly what I needed after such a long week! Now - the first real week at the new job! I can't wait....after an early morning biopsy in the a.m. Stinks I have to be at the hospital at around 6:30 am to check in but it won't take too long hopefully!!

its been a long week.....

Wow. It has been a really long week. Leaving one job and starting a new one is a little stressful. Those of you who have ever left a job (especially one that you really kind of like) is hard - there are so many emotions that you feel - torn becuase you are leaving your friends, sad because you really do like it - you just can't stay, and happy because you are starting a new chapter in your life. I cried - shocker - but since I have arrived at my new job, settled in, and have started on my first project I can already tell that this was the right decision. The stress has totally almost melted away...except I have no idea how to do anything on this computer. I have worked remotely on a laptop for so long - having a crazy keyboard like this and a mouse is just weird. Plus, trying to figure out where everything is with 500 different drives and folders will take a while. But everyone here has been great. My favorite quote of the day was "what is the auditor doing in "so and so's" office." I laughed out loud at that one.

My sister sent me a great plant for my office (I'll try not to kill it sister - but I make no promises!) and my friend KC sent me flowers that were so beautiful....and that doesn't include all the great well wishes I have got from everyone. I know that I am truly blessed and for that I am so thankful!!! Plus I got out my candy dishes (holiday themed- these are the easter egg shaped ones) and got my wavy green and favorite pens and pencils and I am ready to go!!!

so, that is all. I am headed off for a much needed manicure and pedicure - it was been way to long and then dinner with an old intern - who randomly called me today becuase she stole some flip flops a year ago and finally found them to return them. hilarious. So we are going to go have dinner -she was pretty upset I left the firm and I feel like I need to explain that it wasn't because I hated it - I just felt like it was my time to move on!

I have some more to post - but no computer. (well, they gave me a nice new Dell laptop - not really sure how to use it! ha! not even sure I know how to log on! Love the new job!) So it may be a little later before I do that!

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

and the shots have begun...

I started the shots yesterday...I had to go get them from the pharmacy before they closed, and since i am working crazy hours trying to get out of here, i dragged my staff with my to go get them - and dinner - since my favorite place is literally next door - Barnabys. So, I got the shots (which I hate) and the salad (which I love) so I feel like it all balanced out!!

But then I realized whyI hate these things. i gave a shot last night, and the bruise already started appearing this morning. Then this mornings shot was like leaking - GROSS. You have to put in all the fluid and then the air bubble, which supposedly helps seal it so it will stay in your "subcutaneous" skin. (don't think I said that right, but whatever. Let's be honest - you inject this into your "stomach" which is really just "grab some skin and pull away from your body", otherswise known as fat. I think i have so no worries about where to stick that sucker!)

Anywho, so now I have these matching little bruises on my stomach - one on both sides. This is going to get ugly. I feel like I am bruising worse now than I did before when I did these things.

Oh, well. And I called the doctor since he only ordered 14 days of these things so I could have a stash. And I found 2 from the last time, so I have a few back ups...plus these things are EXPENSIVE. so I want to get my money's worth. Just the co-pay for the 14 days were like $50.

And got a great message from the doctors office that can't get my number right. It was classic. She went through the whole file and basically said she couldn't find me - even though all the numbers she quoted were right. AWESOME. She either just can't dial right or, well, we won't go there because it just isn't nice. I have left 2 messages with the right number - but she just can't seem to call it and don't think that I don't call multiple times a day and NEVER get to talk to anyone!

LOVE Dr. Hung...

not only becuase I think his name is funny, I REALLY like him. okay, lets be honest, any doctor that gives me good news right now I REALLY like!!

I wish I could describe him but he was so calm, very conserative (he even told me so!) and was very good at explaining things, such as risks and how the procedures were performed. It was good to talk to him about the risks of surgery and what he thinks I should do...which is NO surgery. I like that answer. a lot.

So, he ordered the biopsy which will be next monday (the 30th) and I will go in and have a ERT - which basically means a fine needle biopsy that is guided by a sonogram. I am in and out in an hour. Sucky thing, another time to check into the hospital (and an hour of forms to fill out). That will be the 2nd time this month, and then one more time next month to do the radioactive iodine and then I want to stay away from that place for a very long time!!!!!

So, that makes it a great monday. that and i made some banana bread last night that I have as an afternoon snack -- that always makes a day better!!!

last weekend...

Oh, how I love these boys. Working at one of my jobs, they always kept us laughing. They were being silly at our partner's house and I totally caught it on camera. And yes, they are always like this! Reason 4932 why I have loved my job for the last 8 years!

Here is MC andSS - we were hanging out and SS decided he wanted to sit down. So he just sat in MC's chair...and wouldn't leave. I didn't mind becuase we got to catch up - can't say MC felt the same way! ha! We had way too much fun catching up, and our partner was so gracious to have us all up to South Dallas, er, the Woodlands to celebrate the end of busy season!

Here is LM and I at the shower to celebrate LC's upcoming wedding!

And here is the absolute love of my life. He was so stinking CUTE that weekend. We were reading the sunday paper, drinking coffee, eating donuts...and he had to join in (well, at least trying to read the paper. And we caught him slightly smiling - even better. Most of the time it is kind of like a deer in the headlights! He is absolutely hilarious. he will sit and when he gets tired, he will just lay down - sideways. its awesome. I have some other cute pictures I will post later of when he just laid down on my lap....right on the cat. And the cat just sit there like this was a normal occurence. That cat loves him now - he will sit RIGHT by him and just watch over him. I am sure he won't love him later when he starts trying to set his tail on fire!

Here is LC and LM at the shower. I wish I would have taken a picture of the hostesses house. It was FABULOUS - in the heights, and so stinking cute!!! I want it. yes, that is coveting. I'll ask for forgiveness later.

A rough day....

It has been a rough few days trying to get everything wrapped up...why can finishing things be so hard some times?!? Its like when you start cleaning out your closet - you pull everything out and throw it on your bed, and start....what you think is a 6 hour project. and 12 hours later, you still aren't done. welcome to my I am working hard to get it done - and get it done right. I don't want to leave a mess...and trust me - they won't let me! I'm not allowed to turn in my computer and secure ID until I have finished. *sigh* I wish it was just me trying to finish stuff up instead of waiting on other people!

On another note - I got a random phone call today. this random dude called and here was the interchange:
him - "Do you have a doctor named Dr. X?
me - "yes"
him - "she has called ALL morning trying to reach you but she keeps calling me. I think she has the wrong number. I called the number and got you - but when she calls - she swears she is calling the right number - but she isn't. Can you call her and give her the RIGHT number so she will stop calling me?!?!?"
me - "yes, I'm so sorry about that" and in my cheeriest voice "have a great day and thanks for letting me know!"

Then I am thinking GREAT. This doctor doesn't call multiple times. She barely calls once. Something is up. So I call the office, which of course, I don't get anyone. Why would I expect to actually talk to a real person? seriously.

I get a call back from the nurse an hour later. I won't recap all of this conversation, but basically she informs me that I have a nodule on the right lobe of my thyroid and they need to do a biopsy. She talked about scheduling it next week, they want it done pretty fast, I will be one of the first appointments scheduled monday when everyone gets back from vacation. I asked for a copy of the lab report (I have learned - always get a copy! you never know when you will need it next!)

She sent over the labs - it appears that my thyroid has grown A LOT....based on the last sonogram I had in June (don't worry - there are measurements on it). It also appears that there are two nodules, not just one. It also said it was enlarged-but of course they used some medical language that just means the same thing. (yes, i had to google it to figure it out because it was a scary word - that was one of those words that I think totally blows things out of proportion when you read it).

Yes, I am a little freaked out. But I have the best friends and sisters in the WORLD trying to calm me down. My twinkie has decided she is going to be my "internet patient advocate". She LOVES to look things up - so she starts googling. Ironically, both she and my sister came back with the same website. Basically it says that 95% of nodules are not cancerous. Here is also what it says:

The following features favor a benign thyroid nodule:

• family history of Hashimoto's thyroiditis (well, the fam does have hasimoto's disease....not sure what thyroiditis is....)
• family history of benign thyroid nodule or goiter (I think my grandmother had a goiter...I'm the lucky grandaughter that inherited that one)
• symptoms of hyperthyroidism or hypothyroidism (check. maybe double check)
• pain or tenderness associated with a nodule (well, my neck hurts. does that count?)
• a soft, smooth, mobile nodule (no idea what this really means. moving on).
• multinodular goiter without a predominant nodule (yeah, this is beyond me)
• "warm" nodule on thyroid scan (produces normal amount of hormone) - (in my case - it should be "hot" producing lots of hormones. yes, welcome to my world. lots of hormones).
• simple cyst on ultrasound (who knows. I didn't see it. But I don't think so).

So, based on that I think I am going to be okay. BUT it still scares the living daylights out of me. Anytime someone says "biopsy" I think you are going to think the worst. Regardless of whether you said you needed to biopsy that cake over there or whether you were talking about sticking a needle in your neck.

Yes, I cried. This is me - you would expect nothing less. So now I wait till I hear from them next week. But I have an appt with the ENT to discuss surgery and if that is even possible. Right now - he would say no way. My thyroid is out of whack again, and I can't take meds to make it go back to normal. So my heart rate is up and I feel out of it again. And we don't really want to operate when the heart is going crazy - that is no good. too risky. But if I got on thyroid meds to try to slow it down, I lose the ability to do the radioactive iodine. So I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. then I have to figure out the whole "blood thinner" problem. Do I have to go off of them for the biopsy (hopefully not - it is just a needle in the neck) but for sure I have to go off for surgery and/or radioactive iodine (the latter, per my doctor. but the other doctor and the hospital said I didn't. I'm not going to fight it - at all. I'll do what she thinks is best. and give myself shots in the stomach 2 times a day for 16 days. whatever. no one will see the bruising anyway).

All of that while trying to leave one job and start the other - in the middle of quarter. *sigh* why can't life just be easy? I have no idea.

So say a little prayer that I am in that 95% category and that everything is totally fine and we can just kill the thyroid and move on. All I can say is "this too shall pass". I know He will never give me more than I can handle - but he sure thinks I can handle a lot!!!

a sonogram....

why is it when everyone hears sonogram - they immediately think you are prego. seriously, you know you can have a LOT of your body sonogram -ed...not just a baby! The number of people this week hearing I had a sonogram and giving me this look like "whose your baby daddy?!?" awesome. GET IT RIGHT PEOPLE. I had to get my neck sonogram-ed!

I went in today...little did I understand that it was the hospital. and I had to check in - sign a million pages of paperwork, tell them if I had a DNR or was I an organ donor. geez people, it's only a picture of my neck! I waited FOREVER. Sad thing is, you wait for 2 hours for a procedure that takes less than 10 minutes. Welcome to my life.

I had found my sonogram from last June last night when I cleaned out my desk (which we will get to later) and it said I had no nodules....which was good news. that means that if I didn't have them then, i probably won't have them now and no surgery! the lady even mentioned she had pulled my file and wondered why they were doing it again. But i did she when she was measuring it has grown a bit since the last time. that isn't so good. but I think it will shrink with the radioactive iodine.

So we did the test - it hurt - worse than last time. don't know if I am running out of room in my neck or what. but she would "jab" that think just in the wrong places, hold it there and push. yeah, not so great. But it didn't last that long and i was out of there. Next stop - ENT visit in a little over a week.

I am about to start the crazy blood thinner regimen again. I'm not very happy about it - the last test I was really high (not enough green veggies during busy season) so I had to do the "don't take one today or tomorrow, the next day take 1 pill, the next 2 days take 2 pills, the next day after that take 1 pill, then take 2 pills for 2 days.....and on and on. I literally have to keep a calendar on my fridge. it sucks. And when the count down to "no more thyroid" begins, around 10 days before and 6 days after I have to go back on shots. LOVELY. nothing like shooting up lovenox in the stomach for 16 days, twice a day. Welcome back to the bruises in the stomach.

and I did clean out my desk last night. it was so sad. I talked to our BU PIC last night and he was awesome. I am sad that the first really good conversation I have ever had with the man was the week before I left. then I cleaned out my desk. and cried. more becuase everyone kept saying it was sad to see it so empty, and a few of the partners kept coming by saying thanks for everything and that they hope that i love my new job and the worst...the one that made me cry...was that they were really worried about my health and they wanted me to take care of myself.

*sigh*

if only I thought i could stay there and get better. but I know I can't -- I need to get away from it and start a new life - a healthier life. So I now have a bag of 8 years of knick-knacks, print outs of funny things from my staff, lots and lots of accounting books sitting on my kitchen table. my cube is clean....and it is sad looking. so blah.

oh well. off to dinner with a friend and then tomorrow I have a shower, a work party and going to stay with the Hicks family for the night - can't wait to see little WH! it's been too long since I have gotten to play with him!

hope everyone has a great weekend!

bittersweet....

It has been a whirlwind for the last 7 days. I have been through so many emotions over those days I can't even begin to describe them all. Here is the long version of the story:

Last tuesday I got a call from one of my partners wanting to have lunch and talk - I just told him that i didn't have time - could he please not just tell me whatever it was over the phone. He basically told me one of my old clients was looking for someone to fill a position and wanted to know if I was interested....

I have been struggling with this for a while - and I had basically decided that I was going to leave after busy season - but I wanted to ride it out through the summer to get all my ducks in a row - with my health, and find the perfect job.

To be honest, when I had heard about this job a while back, it sounded perfect...and then they filled it with someone from overseas... I was a little sad - I thought it would be a great job and I thought since they just filled it - it wouldn't be open when I was ready to leave.

Then that phone call came that said it was open. It was perfect. Problem was, telling a partner that you are going to interview can be bad - especially with the economy being so bad, you don't want to get on the "you have one foot out the door so we will just shove you out since you want to go anyway" list. If I didn't get this job, i had better keep looking till I found one.

So I went and interviewed a few days later...and was a little nervous becuase it was between me and someone else - but I had no idea who that person was, and couldn't get anyone to do recon to try to figure it out! Plus you don't know what their qualifications were, how they would interview - anything. It was nerve racking. Plus, I knew most of these people at the client - I have known the controller for the last 7 years, and another one for at least the last 6. Nothing like interviewing with people you know really well - it almost makes it worse becuase you don't know what they will ask!

I got the call late Friday night that I got the job - I was ESTATIC! I only had to do a few things - like get it cleared from our independence group, figure out how i would be able to start when they wanted me to start, and figure out how to tell everyone.

The last one was the hardest one. I was nervous - I have loved working with all of these people for so long - and I have really enjoyed all of the people at my clients. Getting it out was the hardest. I love my partner who told me as soon as we got it cleared that i had 20 minutes before he sent an email to our BU PIC. That got me on the phone. Everyone was SO great. They totally understand - it has been a really long year and they totally wanted what is best for me.

Then I had to tell my staff and all of my friends. That was the worst....the number of WHAT?!? 's I got and you can't leave was unbelievable. Everyone was so great but you could tell really sad. I have been through thick and thin with most of these people and that brings you so close. It is such a bittersweet moment - so excited to start a new chapter in my life, so sad to leave all of my friends, mentors and clients, and nervous about starting a new job - this is all I have ever known.

But today it came full circle - I turned in my resignation, I accepted my new job and got all the paperwork done. It was awesome. it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I can't wait to get things done here and then start my new job.

So that is the long story.

On another note - update on the thyroid - I have a sonogram on Friday to look at my thyroid to be able to see what it looks like and if i would have to have surgery. Then I meet with the surgeon on the 23rd, and have scheduled the radioactive iodine on the 13th of April just in case I want to do that and not surgery. I just want to have it all scheduled so which ever way I decide to go, we can get it done.

So that is all of it....thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers. Please keep them up till I can start my new job!

LC's Bachelorette Party

We went out for LC's bachelorette party last night and had a great time. There were 5 of us and we went to dinner at a great Mexcian Place in Houston - El Tiempo and then we went off to Pearl Bar to hang out and of course....hoola - hooping!!! See LC below!

The best was when JH decided to hoola- hoop with her neck. I am not lying - it was amazing! Someone even came back and asked her for an encore. LOVE IT!

Here is me and LC at the pinic tables in the back of Pearl Bar. We had a great time - we saw some other work people out at the bar and we had a great time catching up and hanging out....plus, with a bachelorette party - we got some crazies coming over and trying to hang out and the boys were great about "helping out" and getting them to leave us alone!

Here is JH, me and LM at dinner....after all of it we hit up the black swan for a little dancing - no one at Pearl Bar was really dancing. It was so much fun - especially when the wedding party that had been in the hotel came down. The guys from the wedding were cracking us up with their dancing. It was a great time - I can't wait for the wedding!!!

this weekend...

this is going to be a long weekend...so much going on! I have a few things to update so I will do that first:

- I talked to my endo the other day and we discussed my options - the radioactive iodine or the surgery. Basically I have to be off meds for 3 weeks to do the radioactive iodine so I quick taking those earlier this week. I have to do a sonogram on my thyroid to take to the ENT, so I pushed that appointment to next week. The doctor is scheduling the sonogram for next week and I am trying to see the ENT next week too. we'll see how that goes. Basically, if I am off meds - so if I go high again, they can't do the surgery - they will only do it if the thyroid is low. We have to do the radioactive iodine. We will see how this all pans out over the next few weeks.

- My meeting on Thursday went VERY well. Thanks to everyone that said a few prayers for me.

Tonight I have a bachelorette party for our friend from work and I am looking forward to hanging out with the girls! But I have a LOT of work to do this weekend - so tomorrow will be a very busy day! I'll post some pictures later!

quick update

My friend KJ had her baby at 1:30 PM today - welcome Jude Andrew Johnston to the world! He weighed in at 8 lb 4 oz. Mom and baby are doing well!

some prayers are needed...

hey you guys - I have a few prayer requests that I hope you guys can help me with --

first, for my dear friend KJ - who should be welcoming the new arrival of a son today. Please pray for her and the baby, as well has her husband that all goes well and they have a healthy baby!

second, for me on Thursday - I am going to meet with the ENT to discuss my options - please pray that I get the right answers and am well informed about the good / bad of the options and I can make the right decision!

third, I have a big meeting on Thursday that I really hope goes well. Pray for confidence and calm, the ability to articulate well, and that all goes smoothly.

thanks - I truly appreciate it!