it drives me crazy

I have to say that one thing drives me crazy......the lack of communication. I hate it. I feel like i go out of my way to communicate things, and to tell people how I feel, and to make sure that people know what is going on (unless of course it is something deeply personal about me, then I hold that in as tight lipped as possible. but that is a conversation for another day). And when other people don't communicate, it just tends to DRIVE ME CRAZY. I feel like it has happened all day today, and it has literally driven me to tears. And it just isn't coming from one front - I feel like it is coming from ALL fronts - all aspects of my life.

*sigh*

and I don't know why it drives me so crazy -- I guess it is the way I grew up and the lack of comminucation about big things. as I got older, my cousins and I would laugh that we would find out a month after the fact if something big happened....we would joke that someone could die and we wouldn't know until Thanksgiving rolled around and they didn't show. So now when ANYTHING happens we are on the phone in an instant making sure everyone knows!

I have a feeling it is just one of those days.....

things I've learned in the past few days....

I've learned a couple of things over the past few days that I really wanted to share. They really hit home with me, and because of that....well, you are hearing about it now!

One - in church on sunday, they were finishing up a series lovingly called "jacked up". the pastor was talking about how God typically uses people who are messed up, not usually the most God fearing, to be the ones that he uses to spread his message.....that those are the people that he could always get people to believe the message because if God loved them, and trusted them, then God could love anyone - especially you. And how in the Bible you typically hear about the bad parts of their life and then the good things they did after God started to use them. I never really thought about that before, but he kept on giving story after story out of the bible and it started to hit home.

Then of course, to tie it all in, at the end, he started talking about the people on the side of the street with their cardboard signs telling "their story" - and how you only ever see one side of the story -- the bad side. You never saw them a couple of days later saying that something good had happened in their life....that God had used them or provided for them. That's when the music started and people from the congregation started coming out with their cardboard signs -- saying things like "I was addicted to porn for 19 years" or "We were separated and in a loveless marriage" or "we had $80,000 in consumer debt" or "we couldn't have kids" or "I was sexually abused as a child" or "I had an abortion" -- and then each one of them turned over their sign and that side talked about how God and his love and guidance had helped them, guided them, turned their lives around and used them in this congregation (and in their everyday lives) to be a light for others.

It was a pretty moving thing to watch -- and we aren't talking like 5 people....we are talking like filling up the stage....there were like 40 people up there with signs. It was really amazing. And it really made me think -- a lot - how true it is......that God typically doesn't use the "most God fearing" or the " most perfect" people to even teach me lessons -- he uses the people I would least expect to teach me the greatest lessons about him and his love for me. And how great is it that there were so many people that were stuggling with some pretty ugly stuff and that the devil had such a hold on them, and through Christ, and their relationship with him, he was able to pull them out of that. Amazing.

Two - We are studying this week through a bible study about the difference between being poor in spirit (Matt 5:3) and poverty in spirit (Luke 18:9-14). I don't think I had ever thought about the difference between these two -- or even what they truly meant.....here is the way Kay Arthur describes them:

Poor in spirit - to realize what state you are in before God; to be actively conscious of of your total inability to walk with Him, to please Him or to serve Him. To be poor in spirit is to abandon all pretense and to acknowledge your total dependence upon God for vindication of your sins. To be poor in spirit is to cry out with the apostle Paul "I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is in my flesh" Romans 7:18

Poverty in spirit - is to be totally dependent on Christ -- continually realizing that in and of yourself that you could never please God, that you can never meet his standards of righteousness......only with God's gift of His Holy Spirit and by walking in the Spirit can you please him.

And through thinking of these, and all the other things that I have read over the last week, it reminds me that too often I try to rely on my own wisdom, my own natural abilities, money, material possessions, to try to make it in this world (or shall I say sometimes through this life) - when in reality, the only way I can truly live is to realize that I cannot do it without God and that I need to have total dependence on Him...and that he will provide all that I need.

and my favorite quote -- God shows us our poverty of spirit when we try, in our own strength, to walk in a way pleasing to God.....and yet continually fail.

how true is that.

my hot date...

I was talking to my friend and she mentioned that they wanted to go out tonight for date night since some other plans canceled, so I told her I would come have a date with her cute son so they could go out. It was so much fun to get to play with him -- we had dinner (he was wearing his I'd rather be naked shirt -- a man after my own heart -- ha, ha), then we had bath time and we played in his room for a while. I am SO mad that I didn't have my camera up there -- and was too lazy to come down and get it, partly because I wasn't sure he want to keep playing.....they have a fisher price slide in his room, and he crawled over to it and I would help him to the top and he would just start giggling -- then would giggle the whole way down the slide. It was fabulous. Of course, we had to do the slide about a jillion times! And then I got a slobbery good night kiss which made it the best date ever!!! Now I get to watch college football -- woo-hoo!

today...

I was really thankful that I had the day off today....I LOVE 9/80's and every other friday off....

Last night I hung out with some of my friends as a last hurrah for the one that is leaving....we ended up going to dinner for another guys birthday (a friend of a friend, but I knew him and her husband from KPMG -- they are so stinking cute!) and then going back to my friends house to hang out. Let's just say since it was a "last hurrah" we decided that we were just going to stay up all night and play....and that is exactly what we did. I can say that we consumed some serious adult beverages and laughed a lot and just had an overall good time. We drank a lot of "mojitos".....which this is a recipe that is totally different than a normal mojito - but it is SO GOOD.

Here is the "recipe" -- mint leaves (crushed), 2 TBS of Sugar, 1 TBS of lime juice, 2 TBS of lemon juice, then mix it together and put ice in the glass - fill 2/3 of the way with vodka and the remaining 1/3 with 7 up. It is weird that it is with vodka, not rum, but I swear they are the devil. literally.

We did end up staying up all night and having a slumber party....I think I got around 2 hours of sleep -- I was woken up by the neighbors kids talking about how dirty one of the roommates car was this morning (which I had to laugh, because their dad had come over to play with us and he is SO STINKING funny....and he stayed quite a while entertaining us and I'm sure was not feeling so hot this morning as he was corralling the kiddos off to school! ha!) And I have to say that I am not so young anymore...it has taken me most of the day to recover....well, that and I am sad as my friend is now officially gone and I was trying to "deal" with that too today...

But I finally got out of bed and went to go get Barnaby's....and lets say that their chinese chicken salad and one of their chocolate chip cookie can sure cure what ails you....well, at least for now!

Now I really need to spend some time cleaning my house....it is awful. But at least my sunflowers are still pretty and I smile every time I look at them.

things that make me happy...

I have to say that one thing that always makes me happy is flowers....I don't know what it is about them, but whenever I have a bad day, I just need them. yes, I did say need. This weekend I was at the grocery store and they had these sunflowers on sale - they were so beautiful I just had to have them - lots of them....and now they are gracing my dining room table where I can see them when I am laying in bed, when I wake up every morning, when I come in every evening, and every moment in between and they bring a smile to my face. I think maybe they remind of me of the great things that God has made and how beautiful his works are....maybe another reason that I LOVE sunsets and sunrises so stinking much.

Then there are my sweet friends who make me happy....by giving me kind words and big hugs when they know I am hurting (and even when I am not!), and by checking on me so often to see how I am. I also appreciate those who I don't talk to every day because I know that they are praying for me and thinking of me...I am so blessed to have so many great friends.

And lets be honest, the massage and dinner with LM last night really made me happy :) who wouldn't love a $25 massage (at the Memorial Hermann Wellness Center -- it is students that need hours - no frills, but great "regular" massage!) and then dinner at one of our favorite restaurants Cafe Lili. YUM YUM I tell you.

and tonight - the thing that will make me happy is cooking...I just need it. I love being in the kitchen, creating things, and then of course seeing the joy on people's faces when they eat it. for some reason, that is the place where I find a lot of peace....I can't wait for work to be over, to be able to go home and just start baking.

I'll admit it...

I'm struggling...emotionally that is. So much stuff has been going on in my life - with my friends, with my family and at work, and I pretty much broke down last night. I swear, you would have thought that I could handle "life" with all the crazy abnormal things God has thrown my way over the years. I can put on a brave face and act like it is okay in front of everyone (and sometimes not very well!), and then I go home to deal with it.....and lately just crumble to pieces. I have no idea why God made me like this -- but he did. I wish I could change it -- but I keep trying and asking God to help me and nothing seems to change and the pattern just repeats it self.

*sigh*

and the thing is -- is that if I told you everything that was going on, then you would probably be like "karen, that is ridiculous....there is no need to stress that much about the little things like this" and I TOTALLY know that. but for some reason, knowing it and changing the way it affects me are two totally different things. and I think that its all these little things that I can totally take in stride and then when you add them all up, it is just too much.

and what set me off last night to make it all crumble you ask? one of my favorite people in the whole wide world told me they were leaving...and moving back home...in a week. you wouldn't think that is a big thing, but this person is one of those people that I love spending time with - I could probably spend more time with them and never get tired of it (although, they probably wouldn't say the same thing - ha, ha), I love how they can call me out on things and for some reason, it isn't hurtful, and they have such a solid head on their shoulders, take everything in stride and can always see the good from the bad, the clarity of the situation and for some reason, can calm me down through all the crappy things that seem to happen. There is so much more, but I feel like I just lost one of my best friends. My heart just hurts. That is the only way I can describe it.

and if you know me, you know how much I LOVE my friends...I share in their love, their happiness and their pain. I love being surrounded by my friends and laughing with them, dancing with them, cooking with and eating with them, and sometimes just being in the same room doing nothing but sitting on the couch watching TV. so, losing one of those just hurts. And I know you can say - Karen, seriously? you can still be friends! but let's be honest, I am horrible at the phone and email thing....I do best when you are here with me and we can schedule time to hang out. and sadly, I feel like its the same way with this friend...they won't be good at it either.

Then there is everything else...another manager quit at work and that has caused a lot of turmoil, as well as the risk that we may lose a few others that are really good that would be almost impossible to replace, and I feel like I still don't have my feet totally under me here -- more in a "I don't know where to go to find everything" and that is frustrating. And sometimes its the simple things - I need a new binder, where the heck do i find one?!? and coming from a place where I knew everything to a place where I feel like I know nothing is just a hard transistion. and with this manager leaving and have to absorb some of her work - that just pushes me even further out of my comfort zone as I have to learn a LOT more...very quickly.

And then we could get into the boyfriend breakups, the medical issues, the friendships that are hurting, insecurities that are creeping back in and everything else that is going on...well, its a lot. And I was doing SO good with working out and eating and then in the last two weeks I have just let it all slide....and I think that is the most frustrating of it all.


So, just so you know, I dealing with it....spending a LOT of time in the word and a LOT of time on my knees talking to God about it...but i ask that you just pray for me...pray for my heart, pray for the tears to subside and pray that I learn all the lessons that God is trying to teach me through all of this.

and I'm sorry to be such a debbie downer...not my intention...but I have a hard time verbalizing it and the only way I know how is to write it...so that is what I am doing.

my sister...

have i said lately how excited I am that my older sister has moved to Texas? they bought a great house in Austin, and they have been working on fixing it up -- painting, refinishing floors, and just repairing everything they find. It has been such an amazing experience for them -- and they have had a chance to spend some quality time with the family too. Their stuff finally arrived from NYC and they were laughing that all they moved basically fit into one room in their house. Who would have thought?!?! all those years in NYC definitely did not allow them to be pack rats!!!

last night I got a sweet surprise that they came to H-town.....i wish I could say it was just to see me, but J has to leave for work and needed a chinese visa since he has to fly into shanghai. So they came down to go to the embassy and work that out....and the best thing was that we got to have dinner and a slumber party. we went to cafe lily, which I just love - if all I could eat there was there "humos" and the house salad with marinated feta and tomatoes I would be the happiest girl alive...but them they have so many other great things -- little pies, skewers, and other great "lebanese" food (although, it was the same stuff we had in Greece!) - its all yum!!! And then we went home to hang out and watch TV and just be together....which I just love more than anything. I laughed this morning when L got out of bed and said that was the best night of sleep in a LONG time....I told her that didn't mean much since they have spent the last couple of weeks either on a blow up mattress or staying with friends.....although I will say that my bed is really comfy! (the couch - not so much, but it was worth it to get to have them there!!!)

I am so glad that they live closer so these "random" gatherings can occur...I love my sweet sister and her GREAT husband...they are so much fun to have around. I am a little bit sad about not having my NYC connection anymore, but that won't stop me from visiting!!! I just can't wait to go hang out in the new house!!!

I saw this and I liked it....

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you are just as pretty without makeup on; One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares, and loves being with you, and how he is the luckiest guy in the world to have you....the one who turns to his friends and says, "that's her".

I just kind of liked that....with all the weddings going on - I've seen so many great couples who are just like the above....now, if only I could find one :)

three things I love....

this past week two girls and I went out for a little girls dinner at Benjy's....it was totally impromptu, but it was so fun to get to dress up and go out. First of all, Benjy's on Washington is FABULOUS....not only is the atmosphere REALLY great, there is an awesome bar, great people watching, and the food -- well, it is SO FREAKING GOOD. I had the crunchy chicken -- and I have to say, that I am not allowed to go there very often because it was so good I didn't want to stop eating!!!! And let's not even start with how good the salad and dessert was.

So, an evening with the girls -- getting to girl talk, then having Champange, which I have totally developed a taste for and it makes me totally giggly (which we all know I need NO help with) and then great food.....it was an awesome evening.

I was also reminded how lucky I am to have some great friends to be able to do this with....God has truly blessed me and surrounded me by so many amazing girl friends. Although I don't get to see all of them very often, every time I do I am reminded how blessed I really am!!!

more weddings....

This Saturday was the 2nd weekend of weddings -- this time it was 1 wedding and 2 receptions -- both for some of my favorite friends I met when I was at KPMG. The first was C and J who got married in this BEAUTIFUL catholic church in Midtown....she was such a BEAUTIFUL bride and the ceremony was so great. The deacon who did it was great and I especially loved the homily talking about the different stages of love and how they are in the first stage and how their love will change and grow over their life....it was a great talk! We then went to their reception for cocktail hour and to get to catch up with everyone. It was a great time -- and they even had a "signature drink" -- a key lime martini that was fabulous. We then went off to the 2nd reception for J and P - they got married the week before in a GORGEOUS ceremony on the beach in Galveston with their families and then had a reception with all their family and friends. She looked BEAUTIFUL too and I absolutely loved her dress...it was so perfect! Even down to the flip flops which facilitated all the dancing we were doing!!! It was so great to get to celebrate these two great couples all in the same night! And even better - then we went to the black swan after for a little "after hours" dancing. The thing I love about the black swan -- the music, the random people, and pretty much doing whatever you want on the dance floor. My favorite comment of the night - "man, Lippe, you can move it. Are you sure you are white?!?" ha, ha. LOVE that. I contribute all of my learned moves to my college friends with whom we used to go SHAKE IT all the time!!! And I know I am wearing the same dress here as the last few posts -- when I find a dress I love - it is so hard for me to not wear it!!! I LOVE IT. Promise I'll give it a rest for a bit!

Above, Here is LM, LL and I leaving the first reception....It was so fun to get to hang out with these two and party hop all night!
Here is Lisa and I with C and J.....I knew C at A&M as he was in the accounting program with me and friends with some mutual friends. He also started at KPMG with me....and that is how he met J. She is SO great -- I really like getting to spend time with her, too bad I don't get to see her as often anymore! Congrats C and J!!!
Here are the girls at the reception #2 -- I should have shown the cute cups they had printed for the occasion -- and even better the koozies we got with their "logo" on it.....so cute!
Here is me and KK -- she is one of my KPMG friends. She is so precious and is expecting a little girl in January...and of course, looks so stinking cute right now. I should have gotten a full length picture just so you can see little Baby K! Say a little prayer for her and her sweet husband as they prepare for their first little one!
The girls with the Bride!!! It was so fun to get to celebrate with J and P at their reception!!! Here is LC, JK, me and LM....yes, we took this picture and then headed directly to the dance floor!!! And yes, my shoes had to be kicked off in the corner so I could dance "appropriately". And for those of you who know me, well, you know what appropriate means. ha, ha.
After the receptions we headed to the Black Swan and had a drink and about 2 hours on the dancefloor. Man, I love that place......the music is great and everyone is just dancing however they want on the dancefloor. And these girls can really break it down!
Here are some of my old staff that worked on an engagement with me when we were at KPMG. I LOVE these girls. We used to have SOOO much fun back in the day -- and of course still!!! They are some of the sweetest girls and have great hubbies and SWEET little kiddos to play with. I only wish they lived closer so we could hang out more often....yes, I know the suburbs aren't that far away....its just hard for me to get out there :)
Oh, and here is me and CC -- he was also one of our staff on our engagement and you just have to HEART him. He is a piece of work -- that is for sure....I wish you could see his total outfit - besides what you see here -- he is sporting some linen pants and WHITE loafers...yes, I said white. It was just classic....and totally CC. And I also really appreciate the nice red mark on his head....when I asked what it was from - I got a story about a pool, a polaris and trying to dodge the polaris and hitting his head on the bottom. Yes, it was awesome. Good job, mister. I loved it even more when we got him to the Black Swan on the dancefloor.....with four girls and him, well, lets just say he got a little attention :)

It was a great night - again, congratulations to J and P and C and J!!! I hope your marriages are filled with lots of love, joy, and LOTS of children!!!

KJ and Trav's wedding....

This last weekend my college roommate and one of my best friends got married....to another one of our best friends. So many of us converged on Dallas -- including all 33 people in the wedding party! - to be a part of their wedding weekend and we had a blast getting to hang out, decorate, eat, and dance the night away! I'm just going to share pictures for now - I still haven't properly recovered from the weekend -- I'm still exhausted go figure. But it was worth every minute of it!! The rehearsal dinner was at fireside pies which is AMAZING....if you are ever in Dallas - go there. The bruschetta is amazing, as is the pizza and don't even bet me started about the desserts!!!
Here is the Jacobs family + travis....I absolutely love this family - especially all those kiddos -- they are so great and I loved getting to spend so much time with their family!
Here is SM, KJ and I at the rehearsal dinner at fireside pies. It was so stinking good and fun to get to hang out with everyone!
Here are me, BR and SM before the wedding....we couldn't wait to walk down the aisle!!!
Here is BR and her daughter P -- it was P's first birthday and she fed her some of the grooms "cake" - which were these fabulous oreo cupcakes!!! She took a big bite, smiled, then wanted nothing else to do with it. She was really stinking cute!
Here is me, KJ and SM -- it was so fun to get to spend some time with these girls. I don't get to see either of them very often and I HEART them so much. This was at the first reception -- yes, I said first. there were two because of the number of people invited!!!
Here is CJ and I - I should have posted all 4 in the series as it took at least 4 pictures to get this one! I'm pretty sure JJ said something that was dirty and made him laugh and then it was all over -- he couldn't stop laughing.
And leaving you with a picture of me and the beautiful bride -- how much do I love her and her new husband? I can't even describe the magnitude! Congrats to them both!

PS - there are some more pictures - for some reason they didn't load -- I'll post more on another post!

its been a long week...

its been a long week and it is only Thursday...it seems like when it rains it pours, and in this case, it just seems to be everyone surrounding me is just hurting. There are so many things going on - fights, breakups, hospital visits, bad news - you name it, and it seems that I have spent the week with my head bowed talking to God asking him to provide guidance and peace to them, as well as to me....as that is all I feel I can do except tell them all I love them dearly and everything will be okay. It has just been emotionally draining, and with work being busy and trying to keep my head above water it has made it even harder.

so say a prayer my friends, for all of my other friends that are dealing with some just plain crappy things right now. I would really appreciate it. Especially since I will spend the weekend doing wedding festivities and can't be there for all of them!

more later after the wedding....happy labor day - hope everyone has a great weekend!