well...

I sit down to blog over and over again and never get anything out that I like. there is so much going on....both good and bad....that I can't seem to get into the proper words here. Some because it is private things I'm dealing with -- and I know I tell you guys a LOT, but some of this stuff just can't get out....not just yet... So when I feel like I can spill it....you know I will.

so instead I just sit here silent, with lots of thoughts running through my head....here and there and everywhere.

so in the mean time, until I can get my words back....say some prayers for me....that everything calms down, that I can see what's God's purpose is for me in multiple areas of my life, for peace about changes in my life (some wanted, some unwanted), and just for overall joy...because lately there has been a lot of tears. Partly because of my darn thyroid...I admit, it is WAY out of whack again.

 Everythings okay...I promise...just a lot going on. And don't think I have even started Christmas Shopping yet. Thank goodness my family realizes that hanging out with me for Christmas is a good present! Ha ha ha ha ha.

so until I can get it together...I hope everyone has a VERY Merry Christmas - and knows and understands the true reason for the season. I promise to update more soon...

Work Christmas Party

We had our work christmas party this past weekend....i loved getting to hang out with my counterpart at work, JT and getting mani's and pedis and being silly girls getting ready for the party. A bunch of us all went together and it was fun getting to get all dressed up and then getting to hang out!  Above, me and Miss SS. 

Here is Miss CB and I. And below, me and AP, CB and I. AP and CB used to work together in a different department and when CB came to work with me, I got the benefit of meeting all of her own co-workers. I think you should compare these pictures to our Warrior Dash Pictures....what a difference! We can clean up nice! ha ha ha ha ha

 And here is JT and I, with my boss, who I really love working with. She makes my job SO MUCH FUN and the three of us (with our friend JD who is another manager with us, who wasn't able to come to the party) spend a lot of time laughing and learning together. She is such a fabulous mentor....and friend and I am so thankful I am blessed to work with such wonderful people! 

And after party at the after party....well, we danced our little hearts out. I would post pictures of that, but well, none of them are "posting appropriate"....not here, not on facebook, not anywhere! Nothing like a camera on the dancefloor, about 100 pictures, and waking up the next day and laughing so hard at what you see...and are hoping that no one else has pictures like you do!!! ha, ha, ha, ha.

and here is my favorite picture. I will say, I don't like posting picts of just me - but JT was taking pictures of me because she said she really liked my makeup...and it turned out so great...that I think I just need to share....

Warrior Dash = SO MUCH FREAKING FUN!!! 

I love the way my brother in law put it -- the day I paid $50 to roll around in mud. But it was worth all $50! We had a great time in Bastrop - getting to hang out with S & P and baby P in the hotel hanging out and then we got to go and play.

Here are me and the M sisters....with our great hats that we got! We decided to take pictures BEFORE we were all muddy...

And here are some of my favorite girls from work - CB and AP and I with our great little indian head dresses - I mean, it was Thanksgiving....it was in the spirit!!! And yes, we went through the race wearing them! 

And here is the pic after...AWESOME!!!

The warrior dash is so fantastic. I mean, you climb over junk cars, climb over bales of hay, jump over fire and climb through mud. AWESOME! I had to go wash off (mainly because that mud was so heavy it was pulling my shorts down!!!) 

Here is picts of me and the M sisters! It was SO much fun to get to play. I wanna do it again...next time I want to run it. Well, run is a bit much. Maybe jog it. Anyone wanna come play in the mud with me?!?

Nutcracker Market

I know that I want to be when I grow up....this is her....

Miss N is her name....and she is a Treasurer at the Nutcracker Market with me. And I ADORE HER! There is something about her -- she is free spirited, she likes to have fun and be silly, and just speaks her mind -- in a good way -- and has a tact that I only hope one day I can develop (because we all know I don't know what that word is!). And I LOVED getting to spend 4 days at the nutcracker market with her...and getting to know her...and getting to see someone who I want to be like when I grow up!

Anyway, the nutcracker market this year was AWESOME. I had so much fun...I was so involved at KPMG and then I had a two year break....one year as I was just out of the hospital and since there were lots of blood clots involved, I wasn't allowed to go. Then last year, well, I had just started my new job and I didn't think I could pull it off. 

But this year, I joined the Ballet Guild, and asked to be a treasurer since I had worked with them for so long and LOVED them...so I knew I would love getting to be a part of their group. And what a fun group it is -- here we all are:

I love how fun they all are -- and how different they all are. Each has their own personality, but everyone meshes so well together....and we have SO MUCH fun together. I love getting to know them and spend time with them....but now I am kind of in a funk not being around them after spending 4 days together! What do we do, you ask? Well, we collect the sales receipts for each day, we deal with vendor issues and we SHOP! Of course, the best part is the shopping....and hanging out and just being silly. I love it....and look forward to it every year! 

Thank goodness Nutcracker Market is only 4 days a year....because I'm not sure my checkbook could handle it otherwise!!!

Aggieland....

I love College Station...I do. I love being there and remembering the good ol days and all the fun times we had there. Every year K and T E go to College Station for Brew-B-Que...which is basically a reason for a lot of boys to get together and drink excessively and act like they are 21 again. This year I came to hang out with KJ. Here we were tailgating....and someone wasn't smiling....so I was trying to help her out a bit!

And being there reminded me of all the fun times we had together in college. We had SO many laughs and so many stories to not tell our children! Ha ha ha ha ha ha. But I am so thankful that I have so many great friends from College -- and that I was able to build so many memories with them. 

And here she is with her sweet husband!!! I just love the two of them!

And I remember all of the times that we went to the games....and loved those times up on the 3rd deck....and loved when we got to move down to 2nd deck as we got older. And I really enjoyed being in the zone -- watching all of them - humping it and yelling for out ags! And it makes it even better that it was such a FANTASTIC game!!!! 

And discussing Aggieland wouldn't be the same without the Fightin' Texas Aggie Band!!!  I love getting to watch them at halftime!!!

And here we are -- I wish you could tell how cold we really were. I needed a parka! The third deck was a little chilly -- but it was all worth it!!!! Gig 'Em Aggies!!!

Birthdays and other things to be thankful for..

There has been so much going on in October...I was hoping for a slow and easy month, and of course, that isn't the way it has gone! I have been meaning to sit down and blog for a while (which is getting to be a frequent occurence lately) and my camera was left at a friends, and I just thought you guys really appreciate pictures more than anything! We've had LOTS to celebrate lately....October in my family is the month of birthdays...my grandfather turned 91 this month, and I have tons of friends with birthdays and then it is MY BIRTHDAY!!! Whoop! 

And then we also got to celebrate Baby K....A group of girls held a shower for J&P and Baby K and it was so much fun getting to hang out and catch up and of course eat. Here are the cupcakes that I made...aren't they stinking cute?!? I found this "kit" at Sur La Table that had the muffin holders and these toppers....so cute.

 Here are some of the KPMG girls that came -- LW, KL and AF. It was so fun to get to chat with them and catch up -- we don't get together as much as we would like! We should have also celebrated LW's last few weeks at KPMG -- she is joining the ranks of KPMG alumni and I am SO excited for her! 

One of my favorite picts -- we got Baby K one of the car seats....and JK just jumped right into it. SO CUTE!

And did I mention we ate?!? you already saw the cupcakes, but then we had these whoopie pies, which were pretty good, some amazing hummus and LL made these spectacular mini pies....I wanted to eat like 50 of the small pumpkin ones!!! 

And here are all the hostesses at the shower with JK and Baby K! It was so much fun to get to celebrate the K's! We can't wait to get to meet Baby K!

And then all the birthday celebrations started. I've learned I really like a few small birthday parties instead of the large ones....I love getting to catch up with all of my friends in the process! The dinner party girls went out to Celebrate both PR's birthday and mine - we found this FANTASTIC italian restaurant off Westheimer that has the same owners as Da Marco and man, it was really good! Here are the birthday girls.

The other girls in the dinner party crew -- LG and KC. (and of course, Baby C was there to celebrate with us too! SO MANY BABIES....and auntie K loves them all and can't wait for them all to get here!)

And here I am in a M sandwich! Love these M sisters....

And then on my actual birthday we went to Front Porch for some pizza and beer...and to get to hang out. We got to enjoy the FABULOUS weather too....I LOVE October just for the weather! Here is CC and I....

And here is CT and I...we tried taking a picture with her hubby too - but it was like 3 in a row and all of them turned out badly....but we laughed every time we tried to take another because someone kept closing their eyes!

And then the last birthday party....my staff wanted to take me to dinner...so I convinced them to do that and then we could go to hear MCHU play -- where the lead singer is one guy from my start class at KPMG. So off we went....below, some of my favorite KPMG girls. It was so much fun to get to catch up with them and jump around a bit!

The crew....they are some of my favorite friends from work....CB, CB and AP....I shall call the trouble form here on out. Fun, but trouble. 

I laughed at these pictures -- the girls wanted a picture in the car....and it turned out really cute..

Then CB wanted to be a part - so it was more like "this is what happens when you drink and drive". They just make me laugh! 

And here is why they are trouble...let's just say that wasn't the first of the night and wasn't the last....and reason #12 why I was, um, not feeling so hot this morning....or all day, but whatever. 

And here is SJ....I love this girl. I should have put up the picture of her with her sticking out her tongue...that is her normal pict....somehow we got this cute one too!!! 

And other things to celebrate.....we found out that my dad needed to have surgery to figure out what is going on with his heart. They thought he might have had a heart attack and probably needed a defibrillator installed. But they wanted to go in and do an angiogram and try to figure it out. Needless to say the last time we did this we ended up with a triple bypass and it was a long week in the hospital. We were all a little worried. But they went in and came out saying everything was okay -- and where there was blockage, they think they can control it by medicine. Which is absolutely FANTASTIC NEWS! It was the best birthday present ever!!! 

things are good....

Things are so good right now...especially after a FABULOUS weekend! I got to go to Dallas to see one of my favorite people get married and got to spend some quality time with my sister, Miss SM and her mom, as well as get to meet the newest addition to the M Family, Miss SRM. (and had I remembered my camera -- I would have a SWEET picture of her. She was sooo cute). It was such a great time.

I love getting to spend time with my sister...I just wish we could do that more often. Nothing like climbing into my PJ's, laying around and catching up with her, then sleeping tons and walking for three miles, hitting the gym and then having a fabulous breakfast with some of her friends. Its always easy. And I love that. 

And then off to see the baby. I love new babies. There is just something so sweet about them...and their cries. I love holding them close and just smelling them. they are just fantastic. And I'm lucky that there have been so many new babies lately -- and lots more to come!

And then the wedding....it was so great to see Miss MM so stinking happy. I love weddings...I do. I love seeing two people so in love, so excited about the life they are about to start creating together....I love everything about it.

Above is SM and I at the reception. Below, SM,  J and her sweet husband, then the Bride and Groom and I. The best part of the reception was watching all the older couples dance....like they had nothing to lose. It was SO fantastic.

And Miss MM...now Miss MB. SO freaking beautiful....and love the dress -- especially the pockets! 

And if that wasn't the best weekend -- then I got to spend some time with my FAVORITE cousins....I love getting to see them. I'm SO blessed to have such an amazing family! It was so great to sit on the back porch, have lunch and some amazing cookies that I will share the recipe that my sweet cousin AR made (That were FANTASTIC), and just catch up. I LOVE them so freaking much! 

Everything else seems to be going well....there was a little skin cancer scare -- more of a "the doctor needs to know in the future not to say things like if this isn't cancer i'd be surprised" that scared the crap out of Karen. (partly because they weren't moles -- but weird bumps that they came back as benign fiberous growths of some sort). But we are good on that front. 

And supposedly my thyroid is back on track....as seem to be the rest of my hormones at the moment...Everything seems to be better....and I am thankful for God giving me such peace about so many things that are going on in my life right now. 

a fabulous weekend....

What a fabulous weekend....it was just what I needed! Saturday morning I met up with some of my favorite staff from work to do the Susan G. Komen walk. We had discussed what we wanted to wear, and well, we decided to wear tutus. Who knew that wearing tutus would be SUCH a hit. Everyone wanted to take pictures with us...

I mean, we are kind of cute, aren't we?!?! We had so much fun walking and catching up and laughing....and even better, I got to see some old friends along the way! 

These two girls, CF and AA were in my fish camp so very many years ago -- we were counselors together in Camp Opal! We stopped and took pictures (and probably pissed off close to 300 people in the process) and then I got to walk with them a bit and catch up. I love moments like that! 

Then I ran home to change and shower to get ready for the St. Jude's Gala that evening. Our friend KC is the chair of the event so we have started going every year....and we always have SO MUCH FUN. This year we made sure to get there on time -- which was good because we got to bid on some great silent auction items....a little scary because after a few drinks, you add up all you are winning on, and well, you just decide to drink some more. ha!

Here are PR, me and SM...and below - the whole crew! 

PR and I sat next to each other at dinner and had a blast catching up! I heart her - and can't wait to celebrate our birthday's in a few weeks!

Here is KC and I...she is looking absolutely fabulous being preggo! You can't even tell at all!!!

and below is me, PR and LG....

And after the gala was over, and we had had a GREAT time, we decided to continue the part at the galant knight. Now, I admit, it wasn't as fun as it used to be when you could only buy canned bear and you were packed on the dancefloor and were so sweaty by the time you left....but it was still a fabulous time!!

what I've been learning....

 ‎"You have to find something. Something that anchors you, something that keeps you looking forward. Even on the bad days, the days when you're tempted to look back."

So many times I have come back to write....and then I started and just stopped. I have just been overwhelmed. That's the best way that I can describe it. Overwhelmed. 

But the best thing is that I have been surrounded by some amazing people, listening to me, helping me work through things, and wiping away my tears when they come. And for that I am ever greatful. I know that I am truly blessed to be surrounded by so many amazing people in my life. SO VERY BLESSED. 

And God has been working on my heart constantly lately. He has opened my eyes to lots of things and reminded me that no matter what happens, that He will take care of me. He will love me....and His love is all that I need. Even though at times I want more...He knows what I need and will provide me with that....all according to His plan.

These past few weeks in my bible study, God has shown me so many things -- I've talked about this bible study before, its Ruth by Kelly Minter....and its amazing. Some of the main things that God showed me was this:

God controls our plans....

The Lord directs our steps...so why try to understand everything? He shows us where we need to go and makes sure we get there. (Proverbs 20:24)

We can make our own plans, but the Lord always will give us the right answer -- according to His plans. (Proverbs 16:1)

No human wisdom, or understanding or plan can stand against the Lord.

 (Proverbs 21:30-31)

Our lives are not our own, we are not able to plan our own course. (Jeremiah 10:23)

And when I read all of that, I am reminded that I am NOT in control. He is. I know what I want, and I can definitely PRAY for what I want, but God is in control. He is guiding me on His path and I need to let Him lead. If things don't happen according to my plan, well, I need to stop freaking out and let God's plan play out. Because as we've all heard before, His plan is so much better than any other plan I could even DREAM of. So trust God -- He will guide, and He will provide. Let Him.

When we are wrapped in our garments of mourning, we're unavailable for whatever else God has for us. 

I admit...I'm mourning the loss of some friendships. And it sucks. I think about them all the time, I want things to be the way they were. I want to know WHY. I cry about it...I admit it - I do.  Its upsetting to me that things aren't the way that they used to be, and I want it to be. But its not, and it wont ever be. I think about it often...and at times, it consumes me. And then I read that statement above, and I cry more....because I am so consumed in what I lost and wondering why instead of looking ahead....that I've totally taken myself out of what God is wanting to do with my life.

Kelly Minter put it so perfectly when she said this: "My simple hope is when God has held us, healed us, and lifted our heads, that we'd be ready to move forward with Him; and though our hearts may always ache, we won't stay in our mourning clothes forever."

I feel like God is asking me to throw off some of those garments -- and its not just mourning clothes, its garments that are weighing me down -- things like unforgiveness, bitterness, anger, and jealousy. I admit it - I am carrying some of that around, and its weighing me down. 

And I think that I am there -- realizing that it is time to shed those mourning clothes and move forward. Its gonna hurt, it is, but I have to move on. Things will not be what they used to be...and that's okay. God has some amazing things ahead for me and I need to lift my head and see what those are! 

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. 

Isaiah 43:18-19

I think this ties so perfectly in with the previous statement about throwing off the mourning clothes, and lifting your head up. As we focus on things in the past, it doesn't allow us to see when God is doing a new thing in our life. As it says in Ephesians 4:22-24, we need to quit thinking about the past and move forward --- trusting in God and His plans. And take the risk of being available and learning about God's plans -- instead of focusing on the bad things that have happened in our past. Because that just isn't going to get me anywhere....and I've seen that. I spend so much time focusing on the negative in the past that I can't lift my eyes up to see all the positive things in my life, and all the wonderful things that God has in my future. 

Lay down....at the feet of Jesus....and REST.

I'm not so sure I know what it means to rest. I swear - I run around with my head cut off all the time. Constantly doing this and that and trying to see and spend time with everyone. But I have to rest...and there is no better place than at the feet of Jesus. Lay everything down, and stop worrying about it and just rest. 

I think she says it best when she says this: "This place of surrender is the most freeing of places to be and the hardest to get to. Some of us have been working, toiling, and struggling -- and we've done all that we can do and now its time to cease striving and lie down at the feet of Jesus.....the earthly and eternal blessings of submission to Jesus are unparalleled. What He can do with a willing life surrendered at His feet is more than we can comprehend. I just know I don't want to miss it for whatever I'm clutching in my hands."

So, what anchors me? Its my God. 

things that make me feel better....

Its confirmed....have a bad day, hang out with these girls and everything seems so much better! I just love the Camp Rainbow girls....we just have SO MUCH FUN when we are together. We went to Benjy's on Wednesday night and had a fantastic time together...the waiter even told us we were the best. But I think that was only because he kept on walking in on conversations that, well, I think made him blush! But he liked it! ha! I'm just sad that its so hard for us to always get together!

And then there is this guy:

I mean, seriously? He is getting so cute! I spent some of last weekend and this weekend with him (well, and mom and dad) and we had so much fun together. He has learned to say Karen - and he is funny because he can totally recognize me in pictures - and other big blonde girls and calls them Karen, in his cute little voice. My favorite picture was this one

He was sitting on my back and "painting" with a stick and the water. and he kept sliding off, then would just sit there. It was so CUTE! That was his "I'm really cool" face. And last weekend when I was leaving he got upset and R asked him, 'Are you sad Auntie Karen is leaving? Do you want to go with her?' and he just nodded....for both. It was so cute!

And then getting to go HH with a bunch of KPMG kids and Oxy kids on Friday night....well, that makes me happy too. It was fun to get to hang out and just be silly! 

Here I am with ED and AR, whose husband works with us. And below is sweet KG - it was her birthday (and the other KH's birthday too - both some of my fav staff from KPMG!) 

The end of the week was much better than the beginning!!!