"You have to find something. Something that anchors you, something that keeps you looking forward. Even on the bad days, the days when you're tempted to look back."
So many times I have come back to write....and then I started and just stopped. I have just been overwhelmed. That's the best way that I can describe it. Overwhelmed.
But the best thing is that I have been surrounded by some amazing people, listening to me, helping me work through things, and wiping away my tears when they come. And for that I am ever greatful. I know that I am truly blessed to be surrounded by so many amazing people in my life. SO VERY BLESSED.
And God has been working on my heart constantly lately. He has opened my eyes to lots of things and reminded me that no matter what happens, that He will take care of me. He will love me....and His love is all that I need. Even though at times I want more...He knows what I need and will provide me with that....all according to His plan.
These past few weeks in my bible study, God has shown me so many things -- I've talked about this bible study before, its Ruth by Kelly Minter....and its amazing. Some of the main things that God showed me was this:
God controls our plans....
The Lord directs our steps...so why try to understand everything? He shows us where we need to go and makes sure we get there. (Proverbs 20:24)
We can make our own plans, but the Lord always will give us the right answer -- according to His plans. (Proverbs 16:1)
No human wisdom, or understanding or plan can stand against the Lord.
(Proverbs 21:30-31)
Our lives are not our own, we are not able to plan our own course. (Jeremiah 10:23)
And when I read all of that, I am reminded that I am NOT in control. He is. I know what I want, and I can definitely PRAY for what I want, but God is in control. He is guiding me on His path and I need to let Him lead. If things don't happen according to my plan, well, I need to stop freaking out and let God's plan play out. Because as we've all heard before, His plan is so much better than any other plan I could even DREAM of. So trust God -- He will guide, and He will provide. Let Him.
When we are wrapped in our garments of mourning, we're unavailable for whatever else God has for us.
I admit...I'm mourning the loss of some friendships. And it sucks. I think about them all the time, I want things to be the way they were. I want to know WHY. I cry about it...I admit it - I do. Its upsetting to me that things aren't the way that they used to be, and I want it to be. But its not, and it wont ever be. I think about it often...and at times, it consumes me. And then I read that statement above, and I cry more....because I am so consumed in what I lost and wondering why instead of looking ahead....that I've totally taken myself out of what God is wanting to do with my life.
Kelly Minter put it so perfectly when she said this: "My simple hope is when God has held us, healed us, and lifted our heads, that we'd be ready to move forward with Him; and though our hearts may always ache, we won't stay in our mourning clothes forever."
I feel like God is asking me to throw off some of those garments -- and its not just mourning clothes, its garments that are weighing me down -- things like unforgiveness, bitterness, anger, and jealousy. I admit it - I am carrying some of that around, and its weighing me down.
And I think that I am there -- realizing that it is time to shed those mourning clothes and move forward. Its gonna hurt, it is, but I have to move on. Things will not be what they used to be...and that's okay. God has some amazing things ahead for me and I need to lift my head and see what those are!
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.
Isaiah 43:18-19
I think this ties so perfectly in with the previous statement about throwing off the mourning clothes, and lifting your head up. As we focus on things in the past, it doesn't allow us to see when God is doing a new thing in our life. As it says in Ephesians 4:22-24, we need to quit thinking about the past and move forward --- trusting in God and His plans. And take the risk of being available and learning about God's plans -- instead of focusing on the bad things that have happened in our past. Because that just isn't going to get me anywhere....and I've seen that. I spend so much time focusing on the negative in the past that I can't lift my eyes up to see all the positive things in my life, and all the wonderful things that God has in my future.
Lay down....at the feet of Jesus....and REST.
I'm not so sure I know what it means to rest. I swear - I run around with my head cut off all the time. Constantly doing this and that and trying to see and spend time with everyone. But I have to rest...and there is no better place than at the feet of Jesus. Lay everything down, and stop worrying about it and just rest.
I think she says it best when she says this: "This place of surrender is the most freeing of places to be and the hardest to get to. Some of us have been working, toiling, and struggling -- and we've done all that we can do and now its time to cease striving and lie down at the feet of Jesus.....the earthly and eternal blessings of submission to Jesus are unparalleled. What He can do with a willing life surrendered at His feet is more than we can comprehend. I just know I don't want to miss it for whatever I'm clutching in my hands."
So, what anchors me? Its my God.
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