who knew...

who knew that a three day work week could be such a nightmare.....I mean seriously. It's only 3 DAYS!

I thought - you know, this is going to be a little hard after a long 3 day weekend to come back to work...on the 4th workday (which is usually our busiest day of close) but I can handle it. No biggie.

Yeahhh, about that....

I guess I should have factored in that this was my favorite financial reporting managers 1st day of maternity leave...and that we have another staff out and I need about 4 more staff to get my team up to where they aren't working so much overtime...and I've been feeling really overwhelmed.

maybe all of that, and everything else that seemed to happen just about pushed me to my breaking point...and by breaking point I meant getting home from work and having an uncontrollable sobbing episode for about 30 minutes before being too exhausted to continue and promptly going straight to sleep. and then repeating the next night.

*SIGH*

Its been a long week. I'm ready for some slow times, yet they don't seem to be anywhere in my immediate future. I feel like I could be at work every night until midnight and still not get everything done. I mean, its like drinking from a firehouse around here. I've given up hope of not working my 9/80 fridays....there is just no way I can not come in...there is just too much. way too much.

and to top things off, my heart is having a mind of its own. I'm about 90% sure its probably my thyroid, which I will go get my bloodwork done TOMORROW to make sure (which has been a phrase coming out of my mouth for two weeks). Because I'm just not ready to have the 90 million heart tests run again before we try to deal with the thyroid.....and I'm not ready to go on beta blockers to slow it down. I hate them. And they scare me when I work out -- since they slow your heart down, if you work out really hard, well, it doesn't allow your heart to work as hard as it probably should....and right now, i really want to work out. Its one of my only stress relievers...especially since I basically quit drinking. (so sad. trust me, I know.)

So what is my heart doing? Let's take a look - When I am sitting down or laying down, my heart rate is in the 70's. I stand up, and it shoots up to 90. If I am walking, it blows into the 100's. and when my trainer pushes me really hard, it pretty much is somewhere between 160-170. Yeah, pretty sure that isn't that good. And how do I know so much about my heart rate? well, my friends, its my new Polar which is utterly fantastic....but I'll blog about that another time. But lets be honest - we all know when it hits 160-170 because I have a hard time breathing....and I start to get a little light headed!

I'm watching it - and so is my trainer....its funny - she looks at it to see what it is to see if we need to slow down....but then she also sees when she need to kick my butt to get it back up! And I promise I will see my doctor about it as soon as we get my thyroid tests back....he's so fantastic - I know he will listen and try to help me work through all of this. I'm just seriously hoping it is my thyroid...and then I am hoping that one day we can get my stinking thyroid regulated. I swear it is driving me crazy and I am tired of having all of these issues. Maybe not tired, just exhausted. It worries me....every time something like this happens I just get scared that there is something there that they just can't find. (and if my sister is reading this - at this very moment she is saying outloud - SISSY, don't be a hypocondriac) I promise, I'm not. Its just a tad bit scary...especially when it keeps happening over and over and over again.

So, that is the sad life of lippe....there is more, but I think I have scared you enough for now. if you want to help, just say a little prayer...that I can learn how to better manage my workload, that we can figure out my heart and what is going on and that we can also get my thyroid regulated. And while you are at it...say a little prayer as I continue to deal with changing friendships...and learning how to forgive.

I promise the next post will be way more uplifting....especially if I blog about my POLAR!!! Damn I love that thing.