I quit....

I had a long conversation with a friend laying by the pool not too long ago. After tackling a bunch of topics, she looked me square in the eye and told me point blank I was doing too much and maybe I needed to sift through the things I had committed myself to and quit. And then i needed to look at who I was spending some of my time with that maybe weren't, hmmm - how do I say this? - the best people  I should be spending my time with and quit them too.

I admit, I thought she was crazy. I mean, I knew what I was doing -- I for sure wasn't doing too much. And the people I was hanging out with I LOVED hanging out with...we had FUN. Now maybe it wasn't the best type of fun, and maybe it involved way more drinking than I should have been doing or other things that maybe weren't so healthy for me....but I was having FUN.

And then last night happened. It was like a perfect storm -- and I realized I couldn't do it all. And that some people were just making me tired....tired of crying, tired of saying I was sorry, tired of feeling like I couldn't trust them...

So I quit.

I made the decision that there are some people I need to distance myself from....and I told them that. I am done -- this isn't healthy for me anymore. i am done. and then I cried. a lot.

And then I woke up this morning, cried some more,  let my trainer beat any pent up emotion out of me and sent an email requesting a leave from one of the organizations I am in. I have been so stressed out with work and life and my health (which has been compounded by the extra stress at work) and I just couldn't do it anymore.

And then I prayed. And cried...again. And prayed again.

My friend LM wrote a perfect post on her blog describing that she needed an emotional recess. I think I am right there with her. I need to quit trying to do so many things and be so many things to so many people and just take care of me for a while.

so say a little prayer for me -- for strength, quietness and the ability to say NO....to so many things and so many people. and for God to show me so many things in my life i need to see....through his eyes and not my own.