In some ways, that is what I feel like I need to give -- is a state of the union address. Everyone keeps asking where I've been and if I'm okay since I about fell off the face of the earth. I admit - I haven't been blogging and I haven't been on facebook either - I haven't been around and I haven't done the best job of keeping people aprised at what is going on in my life. Mainly because most days I'm not totally sure what is going on in my life! I'll try to explain....
You see, work has been crazy. When your company buys $4 billion in assets that are going to be managed out of your office, there will be changes. We know they are coming and we know that it is going to be big changes for everyone....yet we don't know exactly what they are. And that is what is hard for me -- that I just don't know. I've heard this and I've heard that -- and I don't know what to think. And the story seems to change from day to day...but what I do know is that it is going to be very different from what I am used to.
And lets be honest -- I have a big fear of the unknown. If there is one thing that I struggle with the most - is not knowing my future, what is going to happen. I TRY to be calm and pray about it....but that doesn't last that long. Over Christmas I was reading these Francine Rivers books and I learned a couple of things -- the one that hit home the most was how these characters prayed about EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME. And I started thinking, you know, when I do pray about things, I usually have a peace about them. And I don't do that as often as I should....but you know, if I started praying about things continually - like when someone / thing upsets me at work - pray about it. And if I can have that peace every time I pray, well, I would be at peace WAY more often if I was praying more often. So I've been trying...and it has been keeping me a bit more calm!
But what probably calmed me down the most with all of this was a sweet letter from my Father. I've said it before and I will say it again - I am TRULY blessed to have amazing parents. They love me SO much and are so supportive of everything. I had called my dad one day to talk about what was going on and my fears, and he talked me through it and about 2 days later I received a letter in the mail with a cartoon...a letter giving me guidance and wisdom and was everything I needed to hear.
The cartoon was a peanuts cartoon with Lucy and Linus - and Lucy volunteered Linus to sing in the christmas program -- he said "YOU WHAT? I CAN'T SING! YOU KNOW THAT! I NEVER HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SING!". Lucy's response - "Learn".
And that about hit me in the stomach -- I want to keep doing what I am doing because I can do it. I know it. It is easy. But they obviously have a place they need me to be more.....as my dad put it - "you have been blessed with a job where you are comfortable with the work, with your boss and the people you work with and the people who work for you. It is rare to have a stable work situation. Its rare to have a boss that is not only a competent leader, but also confident in herself and a mentor to you. View this stage in your life as coming out of the incubator. Embrace the change."
and he is so right -- I have been blessed with this job. It has been stressful at times, but in the end - it has been a GREAT job. I've learned a lot, been surrounded by fantastic people and in some ways it has put me into a cocoon. And its time to break out and move on. If only I knew what and where I was moving too...but that too shall come soon enough. I started reading Greg Matte's new book and so much just in the first chapter is SO relevant to my life right now-- but this is one part:
"Life isn't always easy. Its course can change in seconds even as we try to plan out years. What Jesus said in Matthew 6:34 is true: 'Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.' "
And that is so true...I have enough troubles to deal with today - why worry about tomorrow.
So that pretty much sums up my work life. But at least I am in a place where our busy season lasts about 7 days...whew. So glad I am not in public accounting right now!!!!
The second area of my life is probably my health. It seems like the first question out of everyone's mouth is about that...so here is the latest. The dreaded thyroid has a mind of its own. Thats the best way to describe it. We've changed my meds again - and I actually go to the doctor tomorrow to discuss it with her. I want to try to understand why my body isn't processing the medicine like it should. It seems to work on and off and that throws me off. I know it is running high right now - or at least I think it is - since I've been a little bit of an emotional nightmare (and there are specific people who would wholeheartedly agree with that!) and my heart rate has been elevated again. I wear a heart rate monitor when I work out and for the past 4 months my heart rate is ALWAYS the same when I am on the treadmill at an incline of 2 and a speed of 4. Now it is WAY higher. the only thing I can think of is my thyroid. So, we'll run tests again tomorrow to see if we can figure that out. Oh, and I've been WAY hungry. Which, when its high you should lose weight -- the first time I ate through it -- and if it was like this I know why. I am hungry ALL THE TIME.
Which leads me to the next topic...becuase I was hungry all the time I started seeing my nutritionist weekly again. We re-did my resting caloric burn rate and it was at 1800 resting in May of 2009 and it was at 2010 last week. Which means I burn 2010 calories if I just sit on my butt all day. And when you add in my 7 day a week workouts, burning anywhere between 400-600 calories (and most of the time its 600 calories), well, I probably haven't been eating enough. So we are working on that....and I am working on losing weight again. With all the stress in December and the holidays I just gave up on losing and just wanted to maintain. I did break through my latest plateau when I weighed in last week - so we'll see if I can continue. This week was bad - having strep and being so busy at work kept me away from the gym and trying to stay alive. Hopefully this next week will be much better. With a re-vamped food plan and being back at the gym, it will be GREAT!
My 2011 goal is to get down the last two sizes I need to drop. That is the smallest I have ever been in my adult life -- if you call when I was a junior in high school an adult. I think I can do it - its just going to take some serious focus and will power. I'm not even focused on my weight -- to me that doesn't matter as much. I'd like to get down to my goal weight - but that number is a pretty big loss -- and its losing more than what I have lost to date. So we will keep that as a long term goal!
Okay....that is all for now. I need to get to bed so I can go back to the gym in the morning and have my trainer kick my butt. There needs to be a part 2 to the state of the union....it just may take me a while to write that one.....that one is a bit more complicated!
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