getting back on track....round 2

I had been dreading seeing my nutritionist this month....not that I don't like her - not at all the case, just don't like where I am. The last two months have been absolutely crazy -- between travelling for work, travelling for fun, work being absolutely crazy (and working lots of overtime) and then just "life", well, I haven't been eating right. Not that I am eating bad - but when I had a goal to lose so many pounds by this week, and when I have lost 1/10 of that because of it, well, it is just frustrating. And it is only frustrating because I had a choice and I clearly made the wrong choice -- over and over and over again. And the worst part, most of that concisously.

And my nutritionist is also like a counselor - and a christian one at that - and I appreciate that she can help me work through all of this together. She understands its not just about food - but also about emotions and what is driving you to eat....and eat badly.  I was upset - partly because I am almost to my "stress breaking point" with everything going on at work, and with friends and family....the work is just plain crazy - that is the only word to describe it. The friends and family, well, that is primarily because I am a worrier....I worry about this and I worry about that....some of it valid, some of it probably not, but I worry. I want everyone happy and healthy and when they aren't - well, it just stresses me out. And I know - I should be worrying about me - but for some reason I always put me on the back burner. And it is just one thing that try as I may, I just cannot change.

So talking to her about all of this she puts all of it into perspective for me -- and quite bluntly at that -- which is exactly what I need - and then her question is always "So what are you going to do about it". For some of it, I just cried because it was a "I just don't know" (mainly for the work side of things because we keep saying it will get better and to say it flatly - it just isnt). For others, I knew exactly what I need to do....now I just have to put that plan in action.

And then she reminded me that I am upset because I wasn't where I wanted to be -- but she said it perfectly when she said this -- "You know, Karen, there have been PLENTY of people who would come back into my office going through the same things you have and would have gained 30 lbs in those 2 months. And the fact that you didn't gain ANY weight, and lost something, well, that is something to be proud of."

And she is right -- although I did make poor choices (like those cupcakes....but damn they were good) I was still going to the gym every day and still making some decent choices as to not gain any weight. But now we are back on track. As I told her this morning, I am now seeing a trainer (that is kicking my rear like no other) and I don't want to work that hard and not see any results. So I am flipping the switch....and then I made appts two weeks apart for the next two months with my nutritionist to try to keep me accountable. Its weird - because I am almost more afraid to let her down than to let myself down.

So here goes round 2....that is what I will call the second phase of this journey...I did good, got off on the wrong path and I have made it back and ready to start again...